


cocoa

by 5INGME



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Canon Universe, Crying, Cuddles, Fluff, Hot Chocolate, Hugs, Low Self-Esteem, Lowercase, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Stress, Worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-04 06:50:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18338372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/5INGME/pseuds/5INGME
Summary: sometimes all chan needs is a warm cup of cocoa. or woojin.





	cocoa

**Author's Note:**

> chan is insecure and anxious. woojin is his rock.

a warm cup of cocoa does a lot for chan. it radiates heat through the mug, dispelling the cold in his hands. it gives him a flash of warmth and a rush of sugar as he sips it, slipping past his lips, over his tongue, and down his throat.

hot cocoa reminds him of home—the comfort and closeness of his family as they gathered together for the holidays. it reminds him of his friends—the routines and hardships they overcame during their trainee period.

but now, chan finds that the cocoa isn’t working anymore. or at least it’s not helping to the same extent as it did before.

it’s late. or really early. chan can’t tell. either way, it’s dark out and the members are all asleep in their rooms. he leans against the counter in the kitchen with his cup of cocoa. he doesn’t turn on the light.

chan ponders over his day. it started out okay. chan woke up just before his alarm went off. but the rest of the day just went downhill from there.

he was distracted during morning dance practice. distracted by what? chan can’t remember. he was just... out of it. this led him to make mistakes in their choreography, and while he didn’t get injured he did cause delays. they had to repeat sections several times just because chan messed up, which further dragged out the group’s practice.

chan chastises himself. he’s a good dancer, almost as good as the dance line. but minho, hyunjin, and felix never have slumps like this. his palms were sweaty and his heart raced—but not due to the physical exertion of dancing. chan figured vocal practice would be better.

vocal practice hadn’t been better. they were performing for their instructor to evaluate them. chan wasn’t able to focus—he kept remembering how horrible the the morning had been. so not only did his voice break but he also messed up the lyrics.

chan’s stomach tied itself in knots and his ears burned in embarrassment as jeongin and seungmin shot him questioning looks. their performances went smoothly. he was so embroiled in his shame that he didn’t even hear any of the instructor’s lengthy feedback or even woojin’s performance after that.

things continued being bad in the evening. he was in the studio to work on some new tracks with changbin and jisung. but for each new line of lyrics he wrote, he crossed another one out, dissatisfied. nothing was working. he turned to his laptop to rearrange some of their recordings. he didn’t know where to start; there was so much that needed fixing. he couldn’t do it.

chan grew fidgety in his agitation. he repeatedly clicked at the save button—god forbid he lose any of his work—before closing the editing program. he slammed his laptop closed and stormed out of the studio with a frustrated scowl on his face. changbin and jisung stared after him in confusion.

at the dorm, dinner was silent. chan picked at his food, lost in thought. the members were all well aware that something was up with their leader, but they didn’t know how to approach the topic. chan was aware of this too; is he a bad leader? he feels like it.

chan is so lost in thought that he doesn’t realize that he has abandoned his cocoa; it‘s cold. cold cocoa brings no comfort.

more thoughts pour over him.

what kind of leader can’t even have his members feel comfortable talking to him? didn’t he make a point of encouraging communication? the members probably didn’t trust him, or they were intimidated of him. but what’s there to be intimidated by?

his brain supplied him with plenty of reasons why he was inferior to his members. sure he could dance well, but he wasn’t part of the dance line. he could sing well, but wasn’t a main vocalist. he could rap well but wasn’t part of the rap line either. what line was he a part of? the producing line with 3racha? jisung was better at lyrics than him and changbin was better at arranging than him. chan had shown all in one day how incapable he was of doing any aspect of his job.

chan hangs his head in his hands. then he notices that his cocoa’s long since gone cold. he sighs.

“even this...”

with that single utterance, hot tears well up, overflow and spill down his cheeks. the negative thoughts break through the dam and rush over him.

how is he supposed to be the leader of a group when he isn’t talented enough? he works so hard but doesn't improve. he can’t even perform the basic roles of an idol, and this is his job! he can barely even do a basic thing—like drinking hot cocoa—without messing that up too. he just can’t do it anymore.

should he quit? surely stray kids would be better off without him dragging them down. yeah, he would disappoint the fans but they’d get over it soon. he’d disappoint his friends, having wasted their time. he’d disappoint his family. he wasted so many years at this and has nothing to show for it. he’s a failure—

“chan?”

he’s startled and looks up, his vision still blurry with tears. he hadn’t heard anyone approach. after a moment, chan realizes that it’s woojin he’s staring at.

“come here, channie,” woojin calls softly. he raises an open hand, inviting him.

chan feels like his body’s on autopilot as he stands up and makes his way over to woojin’s outstretched hand. chan reaches his lifeline, woojin’s warm hand clasping his cold one.

woojin pulls him into a gentle hug, “let’s go sit on the couch, is that okay, channie?”

chan nods numbly, tears still trickling down his face.

hands still clasped, woojin slowly guides chan over to the sofa. he eases chan down and then sits beside him.

chan doesn’t let go of his hand, even as the older grabs a blanket and pulls it over both of their laps. he leans over and rests his head on woojin’s warm shoulder.

they sit there in silence for a couple minutes, woojin’s thumb rubbing circles on the back of chan’s hand. chan manages to focus on the rhythm, allowing it to disrupt the spiral of negative thoughts.

chan’s breathing calms down and his tears gradually stop. he’s warm now, just from woojin sitting close to him.

woojin eventually breaks the silence, “feeling better?” he murmurs.

“a bit... but aren’t you gonna ask me about why i’m crying?” he mumbles back. chan thought he’d be facing an interrogation from the only member older than him.

“not if you don’t wanna talk about it.” bless woojin for knowing him so well. he continues, “but it’s not good to bottle things up, channie.”

“i know, wooj,” he sighs, aware that his pattern of internalization and avoidance are detrimental to him. “i will talk about it, but i don’t think i can handle that right now, to be honest.” even admitting that was hard, tears pricking his eyes. chan blinks them away. his negative thoughts are just the tip of much more deep-rooted problems.

“that’s okay, channie. is there any other way i can help you feel better?”

chan pauses, hesitating, before answering in a small voice, “cuddle me?” woojin is the one in the group that he feels most comfortable being vulnerable around.

“sure,” woojin smiles softly, shifting to lay down on the sofa. he pulls chan with him, “c’mere, channie.”

woojin wraps the blanket around them, locking in the warmth. he slips an arm around chan and rubs soothing patterns on his back. a wave of warmth ripples through chan.

chan loses himself in the sensation, comforted. woojin is his rock, keeping him grounded. sure, woojin isn’t going to magically make his anxiety and insecurities disappear, but he’ll support chan every step of the way.

“thank you, woojin,” chan whispers, snuggling deeper into woojin’s warm side and pressing his face into the crook of his neck.

“i’d do anything for you, chan,” woojin whispers back. he presses a soft kiss to the top of his head, “always.”

chan wonders how he got so lucky as to have woojin in his life. he places a small chaste kiss on woojin’s collarbone, “i love you.”

“i love you, too.”

another wave of warmth rolls through him at woojin’s words, his heart fluttering. chan figures that in the future he’ll go to woojin for cuddles instead of drowning his sorrows in hot cocoa. hot cocoa simply can’t compare to the warmth and comfort from woojin.

they lay there together and just bask in each other’s presence, breathing in each other’s scent. their eyelids gradually grow heavier and heavier as the minutes tick by, sleepy smiles on their lips.

and so, chan and woojin fall asleep there, on the couch, in each other’s embrace.

maybe the members tease them for it in the morning, maybe they don’t. but either way, chan and woojin don’t mind.

**Author's Note:**

> hi there! this is my first ever attempt at writing a fic/drabble or whatever this is.  
> and i gotta say, wow, it turned out angstier than i originally planned it to be, oops (i guess i was projecting). sorry chan :(  
> i hope the ending doesn't feel too rushed, either
> 
> anyways, i'm overall pretty satisfied with this, and i hope you enjoyed it! if you did, please leave a comment or give kudos! thank you for reading ♡
> 
> if you want, you can find me on twitter, @hugchans!


End file.
